by BREANA BACON
Good morning, my fellow Gladiators!
It would be redundant to mention how stressed we all are after last night’s episode. I’m considering starting a petition to move Shonda Rhimes’ other hit series How To Get Away With Murder, to Friday night because there’s simply not enough recovery time between that and our beloved Scandal.
That being said, let us begin unraveling the twisted episode we just watched.
First of all, these past two episodes have been epic for women. So much empowerment, I love it. I felt the overwhelming urge to squeal with pure joy when Liv finally proclaimed being a feminist. She has turned over a new leaf in season four, ladies and gents, no longer a mistress, no longer playing dirty (well, not too dirty), and she is taking a stand for women. YOU GO, LIV POPE.
Finally Cyrus realizes that it’s better not to kiss-and-tell. FINALLY. Cyrus, you twit, did you not learn from the Secret Service that relationships with prostitutes almost NEVER work out? Get it together.
I think I’m starting to take Mellie’s side, now that she’s taken a shower and realized that smelling like week-old gym socks is not going to help her clearly sidetracked husband run the country. With that being said, Mellie seems to forget that she needs to HELP run the country. Not take over the Oval Office. Obviously, she hasn’t come down from that high she got from smoking that weed with Bitsy Cooper, but that’s just none of my business.
My real stress began when Olivia decided to go visit Tom. We all knew why she did it. We all did not know that Tom was gonna get all monologue-y. I started to roll my eyes when Tom kept going on about how beautiful Olivia is because we all know the last thing she needs is another man in her life to cause us more stress. Her stress is our stress. I was completely outdone when Tom told Olivia that she was the the White House’s Helen of Troy and then followed up explaining to her that she doesn’t have a father, SHE HAS COMMAND. Well, there you go Liv, daddy issues erased because of lack of daddy. Easy button pressed. Since Tom knows that Rowan is the Devil, and he knows that Liv knows that, you’d think he’d come clean to her about who ordered Jerry Jr. and Harrison to be killed, right? WRONG. Tom still lied after we allowed him to monologue! UNFORGIVABLE.
But of course, Shonda never fails to throw a monkey wrench in my night. We finally meet the man who is responsible for turning Abby into a Gladiator, Charles Putney, AKA the Scum of the Earth. He’s running for senator against Olivia’s new client. I was enraged when he had the audacity and the outright nerve to confront Abby and attempt to threaten her so she wouldn’t try to sabatoge his campaign by revealing how he beat her senseless and threw her out in a drunken rage. To make matters worse, this piece of garbage tells Abby to GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON. It’s clear that this man has lost his mind but Abby decided that she will no longer play the victim. Abby has gotten on our nerves and irritated all of us to the infinite degree this season, but she wins this episode. Abby wins, period.
On a more mature note, the FCC once again showed us that Shonda Rhimes is just taking over Thursdays and that means they have the day off. I’m not even sure that my innocent ears fully conprehended what went down between Olivia and Fitz on that phone. I was extremely uncomfortable. (Mostly because my mother watches the show and I felt her eyes all the way from College Park.) That was an uncomfortable moment for all of us. I wasn’t really sure whether to keep watching, to avert my eyes, to cover them, to take a bathroom break, I just didn’t know.
I will say that the FCC failed all of the parents watching with children under the age of 18. That was an adult film clip and they knew it. Okay, so now that I’ve scolded all the parties responsible for turning up the heat on our televisions, let me just say that I’m not surprised. Liv may have turned over a new leaf but she’s got needs. We’re not entirely sure that even though Mellie has dismissed the funk, that she’s fully returned from the 70s (if you catch my drift), obviously Fitz has needs too. But really, we’re not all here for all that so try and control your hormones, kids.
After their phone sexcapade, I didn’t think Liv and Fitz were going to be able to be in the same room without jumping each other’s bones, but I was sadly mistaken as Liv proved to us that she isn’t afraid of her not-daddy and anything he can do, Liv can do better when she had Tom attacked and pinned it on her father to get a real confession out of him. Screaming at my television, I took to Twitter begging Shonda to have mercy on my stress level. Unfortunately, the damage was already done.
See you next week, friends.