by BREANA BACON
Hello again and welcome to the new year my fellow Gladiators!
I hope you are all well rested and ready for a new season of Scandal with our dear heroine, Olivia Pope. As I’m sure you all were, I was counting the days from the fall finale to last night’s episode. I’ve been twatching Shonda Rhimes for the past month, and luckily she hasn’t blocked me for all my tweets sent to her last season. Let’s hope she doesn’t block me this season. Anyways.
Needless to say, I am in the process of writing a letter to Shonda about the stress she has already put me through even though this was only the first episode. My emotions were toyed with and my blood pressure was raised to a dangerously high level.
First of all, let me correct a statement I made in my last post: Liv is not gone. SHE WAS ACROSS THE HALL, PEOPLE. Across the hall. Poor Jake from State Farm is outside running around in his Calvin’s and those masked cowards had her across the hall. I’m not feeling it.
As much as I hate to say it, that actually was pretty genius. Nobody is gonna think a kidnapper is staying across the hall. You get one brownie point for that, Shonda, but I’m still writing that letter. Moving on.
Of course the Men in Black wannabes took Liv but now they also have her elderly neighbor hostage as they use her apartment to house “Operation: Steal the Gladiator.” But as per usual, I was left stressed and distraught yet again because they had to kill the poor old lady. Those heartless thugs shot grandma right in the heart and Liv had to sit there and watch her bleed out. Broke my heart in half. Now that, is unforgivable. Brownie point taken away.
To be honest with you all, I thought our Liv had lost her gusto after she got smuggled into that ambulance but lo and behold, she let those childish kidnappers have a piece of her law school educated mind. Telling them they weren’t in charge and she doesn’t negotiate with people who can’t tell her yes or no. HELLO?! Can you say that two times, Liv? I think we all need to take heed to that. No shade, but–actually, no ‘buts,’ I’m being shady on that. #NoRagrets
Then we see Liv in a dungeon and she’s locked in a cell with a sketchy journalist named Ian McCloud. Again, HE IS SKETCHY. At first, I was convinced that Liv and her cellmate were in the Middle East somewhere, captured and shipped off by domestic terrorists. But then I remembered: when they took Liv, THEY TOOK HER ACROSS THE HALL. If I’m kidnapping you, I’m not taking you to a foreign country if my first stop is your neighbor’s apartment. Liv is close, y’all. I can feel it.
Olivia is smart though, she has Ian check her back for a tracker but to no avail. However, like me, she believes her knight in shining armor made of the Constitution of the United States, will come save her. Side note: she never says Jake will come save her….shade or….?
She figures out her bathroom breaks are the time to devise a plan to get outta dodge, but after she has her visions of jam and walking the dog on the countryside (clearly, I’m not a fan of this dream), she breaks down and has a whiny moment, which I was not here for. Seriously, Liv? Get it together, you are a Gladiator, we don’t have the time.
Thankfully, she snapped out of the foolishness with the utmost swiftness to get that pipe from the sink and proceed to beat the hell out of idiot kidnapper number two and she made a run for it. I know I wasn’t the only one screaming “RUN GIRL, RUNNNNN!” at my TV. Idiot kidnapper number one really thought he was slick sliding out in front of Liv and having the audacity to question whether or not she had the balls to shoot him. Boy, you must not know who you’re dealing with. Then he proceeds to tell her a gun is a “man’s weapon.” That’ll getcha shot. Try again, sir.
So Liv makes it to the Big Red Door and when she opens it, she authorized me to say “I told you so” because she ran smack into a screen displaying a Middle Eastern country. Mind you, she was not actually IN said Middle Eastern country. I told you so.
Now the next part raised my blood pressure because although I had suspicions, I was hoping it wasn’t true. That sketchy “prisoner” Ian McCloud was actually her kidnapper. Shonda. Really? I am distraught. Then this man tells Liv they have “work to do” AND SHE GOES WITH HIM? Shonda. SHONDA.
Now that I’ve gathered my thoughts, my letter of grievances will be sent shortly. Things are going to get serious next week, Gladiators. Protect ya necks.