by BREANA BACON
Hello Gladiator friends!
I have returned from my brief hiatus, and I regret to inform you that it was caused by a terrible, non-Shonda induced illness and non-TGIT related responsibilities. I wish that I was away on Scandal business but some dreams don’t come true. Le sigh. Anywho, I’m cured and back better than ever with more hi-jinks and straight foolishness created by our beloved Shonda Rhimes.
I didn’t get a chance to tweet Shonda this week, but next week, it’s on. You have been fairly warned.
Let’s get into it!
We open the show with flashbacks from Olivia’s captivity with a lot of she and Fitz’ sexcapades sprinkled in for color. Fittingly, the one that recurs the most is Liv throwing a ring at Fitz with a look of sheer disgust on her face. Not even gonna lie, I love Olitz but that scene was gold to me. GOLD. Moving on. This Dreams and Nightmares scene is interrupted when Liv gets a text and subsequently wakes everybody in the squad up. Apparently, the text had something to do with Cyrus because upon hearing the news (whatever it is), he proceeds to go haywire. I was not prepared.
So as we all know, Cyrus is to be fake-married off to Michael the handsome yet sneaky reformed prostitute. We haven’t heard anything about them lately but as we know, being with Cyrus is a task, for real or for play-play. Just look at what he did to James, God rest his fictional soul. Given that, I wasn’t the least bit surprised when Huck comes in the situation room of Pope & Associates toting a turnt Michael who’s greeting is “Hello, party people!” to everyone and a bitter “Satan,” to Cyrus.
It turns out that in an attempt to escape from the burning flames of Hell (aka Cyrus’ house), Michael decided to hit the bars and turn up but did so a little too vigorously and ended up on Instagram. That’s just further proof that these social networking sites will get you caught up, y’all. But I digress. Moving on.
Since dear Michael was unable to keep it in his pants, Liv suggests they move up the date of the four-times pushed back wedding date. Not next month, not next week, Cyrus is about to get hitched right now. And because she’s a good sport and always wants to see her people prosper (no matter how close to not being her people they were/are), she gives Mellie some shine in Operation Hitched to Hell. Since Mellie is now running for Senator of the state of Virginia, *rolls eyes x3000* it would be great press and a huge statement if she hosts Cyrus and Michael’s wedding, showing her approval of same-sex marriage and breaking free from the views of her husband because the is a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need a Fitz. I approve Mellie, honey, I approve.
Meanwhile, Cyrus is having some flashbacks of his own spilling the teas on his first marriage, back in the days where he thought he was gonna stop playing…….racquetball. Too bad Janet read him like a Toni Morrison novel and realized that being in a political marriage wasn’t worth all the lies she tried to forget for 16 years. He really tried y’all, but we all know Cyrus is racquetball’s MVP. A for effort though, Cy.
In other more obnoxious news, Jesus’ least favorite crusader Sally Langston has reared her hypocritical head and is offering reward money for anyone who can prove that Cyrus and Michael’s wedding is a sham. She goes off on a TV rant about how the White House is full of lies and she won’t stop until they’re exposed, and yada yada yada. But didn’t Sally kill her husband after she found out he was gay? Didn’t she save people from the church blast just as a political stunt? Go home, Sally. I don’t have the time nor the patience.
Then we have more flashbacks, the next to Cyrus’ wedding to James. This is when Shonda decided not to stress me out, but to make my emotions rise to a level I simply could not control. I was, again, unprepared. She decided to have the six things that always make Olitz fans ready to cry in that flasback: Vermont, Sweet Baby, the Navy sweatshirt, Fitz, Liv, and “I could never hate you.” Once again, unprepared and emotionally unstable for that one. Where is my Sweet Baby ring? Where is my Vermont? Where is my Olitz story? Look, I’m still digressing and one day, y’all need to stop me.
I said this in an earlier review, but I’ll say it again. Terrible parents make me sick and it makes me even sicker when they’re terrible to their own children. Michael’s parents are terrible people. It wasn’t too hard to believe that Lizzy Bear paid them off to come to the wedding but I was appalled at the way they acted at dinner. I was flat out hurt for Michael when his father expressed his digust in his son. It honestly drove me to tears to see such hate from a father to a son, the heartbreak in Michael’s eyes. I hated it. Apparently, Cyrus did too because the original plan to throw Michael under the bus for infidelity is guilt tripped right out of the situation room. Right on.
As always, the music selected for this show is spot on and Stevie Wonder’s “All in Love is Fair” plays as Cyrus has a heart to heart with Michael and tells him that even though this isn’t a love marriage, he sees the good in Michael and will try his best to be his ‘person’. At this point, my tears were holding on to my ducts by a thread and as if she knew that, Shonda just swoops in with scissors and in the last minute shows Liv and Fitz’ famous stare. But Liv is wearing the Sweet Baby ring.
Heart broken, stressed out, and emotionally unstable, I bid you all a fabulous weekend. Stay up, Gladiators.