by BREANA BACON
Before I begin, I must admit that I was so close to having an incomplete review tonight but my very good and loyal friend, Sierra who is in Tampa, saved my life and assisted in the snatching of my edges tonight. Thank you, Lord, for good friends who would rather you be snatched by Shonda than live life wondering what it would be like if you had been.
Ladies and gentlemen, if there was ever a time we as Gladiators needed to rally around one another, it is now.
We have just experienced the biggest run around the fictional political world has ever seen. Never in my life have I been more stressed about a relationship that has absolutely nothing to do with me than I am about Olivia Pope and Fitzgerald Grant.
I am fed up. I know y’all are too. I’m gonna try and get through this as best as I can but I’ve had enough.
Now let’s get into the foolishness.
First of all, when we left Liv last week, she had dropped a bomb on the entire world, admitting to being the president’s mistress. As of last week, my edges were snatched and I’m still icing the bruise I got from falling off my bed after she said yes.
Unfortunately, Liv failed to inform Fitz about her decision to shock the world and he and Mellie head to live television to lie to America about how great their relationship is and about how Olivia is a “friend of the White House.”
Of course, Abby was on a mission to save the integrity of the White House and cover up a Clinton/Lewinski-type situation, But, y’all, they had my girl Abby SPRINTING down the hallway to get to the first couple, this woman even took her shoes off. That had Shonda written all over it, You know the situation is serious when a woman takes off her earrings, her wig or her shoes. I’m not mad at you, Abby, girl. Shoes off in the White House but who’s gonna check her? NOBODY.
So now the White House is thrown into a frenzy, everyone is running around like a chicken with their heads cut off, trying to figure out what to do, what to say and BLOOP. In walks Liv, serving us our lives. Liv comes in apologizing for not informing anyone about the bomb she dropped, but Mellie is not here for it. FLOTUS has had enough and refuses to have anything to do with Fitz or Olivia after Fitz tells her to get to steppin’ back to her office to await further instruction.
But just as Mellie is ready to complain again about Fitz playing her our like an 8-track, in walks Cyrus, “answering the call” for help. He is there ready to get Mellie every bit of dignity back that Fitz and Olivia put into the White House paper shredder and Mellie was nothing but 1000% here for it. And to be honest, so was I. Now, I’ve always been and always will be pro-Olivia and I will always be a fan of following your heart when it comes to love, but Fitz and Liv are getting on my nerves with the flip-flopping and I can’t help but sympathize with Mellie, who gave up so much to put that man in the position he is in now. So while I’m not usually on Team Mellie, I was last night.
Mellie Grant has suffered through rape, infidelity and losing a child for the sake of her husband and she is through with the disrespect, honey. Mellie wants it all, but by it all, she doesn’t want anything at all. The damage is done. Fitz has hurt her to the point of no return by choosing Olivia over his career, something she sacrificed everything for him to get. She is not here for it, neither am I, neither is America. And the audacity of Olivia Pope to give up her career, her team, HER OUTFITS for a man who can’t make a decision on his own. I cannot. CANNOT. There is no man on this green, blue and smog colored Earth worth giving up all of that for, especially not when you have a loyal man like Jake who sticks around while you continually choose the bimbo who’s too naive to realize that he and you will never work. Y’all saw she called him from Fitz bed, right? Straight disgraceful. She’s openly friend-zoning this man who could be her Prince Charming while I’m sitting here waiting on a text back? But I digress and once again, you all let me. Shame on you.
But Liv decides to change her mind and forget about Vermont after she catches Mellie trying to find her secret sippy cup of hooch and is warned about the foolishness that comes with being with Fitz, and it ain’t pretty. The pain in Mellie’s voice can’t be translated into evil this week, folks, she is heartbroken and we all know Olivia has a soft spot for the heartbroken. She gives Fitz back to Mellie, and along with him, she gives Mellie back the path to success that she deserves after an adult life of nothing but craziness. But Cyrus Bean, as always, didn’t come back to the White House to save Mellie for sport. Homeboy wants his job back. Of course, Fitz has had it with him so he curves him like a parabola and instantly I start to see Cyrus’ head spin. Cy, who we thought to just be a demon turned into Lucifer himself right before our eyes.
Now that Cyrus has been cut off, the whole White House is going to burn. He gets to Mellie and spreads a slanderous lie about Fitz playing her (it wasn’t really a lie at all but that’s really none of our business, y’all), so Liv is forced to go with their plan B: become the sacrificial Gladiator. She lets Abby do her job to make up for lying to her about the relationship in the first place (BIG best friend no-no, we don’t lie about potential spilled tea, Liv, that is your BEST FRIEND. She’s drinking the tea with you, girl, not trying to trade it for coffee.) and allows her to throw her under the bus, insinuating her promiscuity and ruining her reputation. Over. A. Man.
Meanwhile, back at Pope and Associates, apparently one of the landmarks of Paris has been set ablaze….except it hasn’t, sending Jake From State Farm running out of there like he forgot to pick up his five-year-old from school. But Papa Pope is back and for a minute, I got excited because I thought he was coming back to put an end to his daughter’s relationship foolishness. Then I find out that the Louvre is not only not in flames, but Lazarus has risen from the dead again? Is this the rapture? Is Jesus back already, bringing Lazarus with him? Did Lazarus set the Louvre on fire? WHAT IS GOING ON?
My letter to Shonda will be signed and stamped by next week. Have a good weekend, y’all.